As mothers, fathers, or caregivers, we know that the school stage is not just a time of academic learning. It is also—and sometimes primarily—a period of emotional growth, identity construction, and searching for belonging. It’s a journey full of discoveries, but also challenges. And among them, school stress is one of the most common… and most invisible.

Does your child frequently complain of headaches or stomach aches with no medical cause? Are they more irritable or withdrawn than usual? Do they refuse to go to school with excuses they didn’t use before? Perhaps you are seeing signs of stress but haven’t been able to name them.

From a psychological perspective, we understand that school stress doesn’t always manifest as a big crisis. Often, it is hidden in small, everyday changes. The important thing is that we know how to look closely, listen with empathy, and act with love.

What is School Stress?

School stress is an emotional and physical response that appears when the child or adolescent feels that the demands of the educational environment—exams, homework, social relationships, family expectations, pressure for performance—exceed their personal resources to cope with them.

And although a certain dose of stress can be normal and even motivating, when it becomes frequent, intense, or sustained over time, it can seriously affect their emotional well-being, self-esteem, and desire to learn.

Warning Signs: What the Body, Behavior, and Emotions Tell Us

1. Physical Changes without a Clear Medical Cause

The body speaks when the mind cannot find words. If your child frequently complains of headaches, stomach aches, nausea, insomnia, or excessive fatigue, it’s time to look beyond the physical.

From psychosomatic psychology, we know that stress can be somatized, especially in children who do not yet have the emotional or verbal tools to express what they feel.

2. Changes in Mood

A child who was usually cheerful and now appears irritable, apathetic, or more tearful than usual may be emotionally overwhelmed. Similarly, if they seem more anxious, insecure, or have an excessive fear of making mistakes, they may be experiencing unstated school pressure.

3. Sleep or Eating Disturbances

Difficulty sleeping, recurrent nightmares, or loss of appetite (or, conversely, impulsive overeating) can be ways to regulate emotions that the child does not know how to consciously manage.

4. School Refusal or Evasion of Schoolwork

The phrase “I don’t want to go to school” can be more than a simple complaint. If it is repeated frequently or is accompanied by crying, irritation, or avoidance behaviors, it is a clear sign that something is not right.

Also pay attention if there is an abrupt drop in school performance, constant forgetting of homework, or if they “check out” during study time.

5. Changes in Social Relationships

Stress can also affect how a child relates to others. If you notice that they avoid their friends, isolate themselves, or complain about problems with classmates or teachers, it is important to investigate. Sometimes, the stress comes more from the social environment than from the school tasks themselves.

What Can Parents Do?

1. Listen Without Judging

Active listening is a powerful tool. Ask with genuine interest how they feel, what worries them, how they experience their school day. Avoid hasty responses like “it’s not a big deal” or “when I was a kid…”

From family psychology, we know that validating the child’s emotion—even if we don’t share it—is fundamental for them to feel supported.

2. Observe Without Invading

Many times, our children don’t tell us with words, but they show us with their attitudes. Being emotionally present, even if they are not ready to talk, is also a form of support. Sometimes it’s enough to say: “I notice you’re different; if you ever want to tell me, I’m here to listen without getting angry.”

3. Review Our Own Expectations

Unintentionally, we may be pressuring them more than we think. Phrases like “you have to get good grades” or “I did everything myself at your age” can be experienced as difficult demands to sustain.

Developmental psychology reminds us that every child has their own rhythm. Not everyone learns or matures in the same way or at the same time.

4. Ask for Help if Necessary

If the stress persists or interferes with the child’s daily life, do not hesitate to consult a professional. Child psychologists, school counselors, or even teachers can be great allies in understanding what is happening and how to best support them.

A Final Message: Emotional Well-being is Also Taught

School teaches many things, but the home is where you learn to take care of yourself. If as mothers and fathers we teach our children to recognize what they feel, to name their emotions, and to ask for help when the backpack is too heavy, we are raising emotionally healthier adults.

Because in the end, the most important thing is not whether they get an A in math, but whether they can say: “I’m sad,” “I’m scared,” “I need a hug.” That is true emotional education.

And in that, our role is irreplaceable.